2008: The Year of Regret

Man I'm so pissed I'm not even going to go into character for this one. If someone presented me a plate with warm shit on it, I would not be able to distinguish it with the movies I saw in 2008. Thats why this list is not a "Best of..." list. It is a "Worst of...." list. Also, side note: Eff you Century at Tanforan! You guys should win an award for shittiest movie theater. I mean shleepy and I had to spend half of our time thinking up of clever ruses to compromise the security system! The best part of the year? Only watching 18 movies, thank Abraham it wasn't 24 or 29!


Worst of Movie Hopping 2008:

1. Eagle Eye

Holey Fuck. I mean.... I could have video taped my self rubbing my balls and then smelling my hand, and it would have been a better, smarter movie. I mean, did some guy just wake up, call a producer, and say "Hey, I got a movie for you. Imagine this: A man made computer AI robot thing becomes too intelligent and starts creating havoc.... Just like in 2001: A Space Odyssey, except it is in 2008. How about it?"

"Put Shia LeBooooof in it and you have a winner!"

2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Good follow up to Disturbia and Transformers Shia LeBoooooof. I'm booing you because your movies suck so much. I liked the part where you were swinging from the vines in the middle of the jungle with small monkeys while Nazis were driving in jeeps below you shooting at you. That was a nice touch. Glad you put the aliens in at the end. I got a good history lesson in Scientology while watching this movie.

3. Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Yeah you can only play the 24yo slacker card for so long. I think Rogan needs to go into the tank and find a new role. His last few movies have been disappointing. Also, Kevin Smith... I realize you made a low budget movie 20 years ago that became popular. But damn.... every single movie by you sucks balls besides Clerks and Mallrats. In fact many of your movies are literally the worst movies I have ever seen. IDK if you make movies b/c you think you are good at it or you do it to keep that heroin addict who stars in all your movies employed.

4. Quantum of Solace

This was a decent action movie, but it wasn't a bond movie. No gadgets, no sex scenes, no nut'n. Just a French villain, with a gay sidekick who wants to limit the supply of water in Bolivia. OH NO! Not Bolivia! Huge disappointment after the awesome Casino Royale.

5. RockNRolla

I will admit, I only watched 22 minutes of this catastrophe, but the list is a bit skimpy so I will count this movie. I don't know if I was in the middle of an acid trip or what; this movie was the most confusing 22 minute piece of garbage I have ever seen. You had a bunch of British guys, Jeromy Piven, and Ludicrous sitting in a music studio talking about stupid things. The only redeeming part of this movie was the part where I cracked an unboiled egg on the edge of my seat's cup holder. The yolk proceeded to spill all over the edge of the seat and the floor. I then moved over to the edge of the isle and proceeded to crack my second egg on the fresh seat. Once again the egge spilled all over the seat. FU Tanforan.


6. Wanted
7. There Will Be Blood
8. The Bank Job
9. How to Lose Friends and Alienate People


These movies all sucked. The biggest disappointment, by far, was There Will Be Blood. Paul Thomas Anderson is one of my favorite directors, and I came into the movie expecting his wild dramatic style that is observed in classics like Hard Eight and Boogie Nights. Instead what I got was a boring, slow, controlled film, with an absurd ending. While the film was very well made, and probably will be considered very good, it did not live up to PTA's true style.

10. The Dark Knight
11. Get Smart
12. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
13. Role Models
14. Tropic Thunder
15. Iron Man

My quarrel with the Dark Night was that it was 40 minutes too long. I have no idea why the decided to take the Harvey Dent story, and pretty much, in the second half, make a whole new movie dedicated to his transformation into Two Face. It would have been great if the movie was about the Joker. But the Movie was about the Joker and Harvey Dent. The second half was rushed, and I was thinking to myself "why didn't they save this for the next movie?". This was a MAJOR flaw, and took what could have arguably been number 18 on this list, and pushed it up to number 10.

The biggest surprise of the year was Tropic Thunder. Stiller managed to make an average comedy, and make it above average. On a global level the movie was not that funny. But if you pay attention to the subtleties, you will be LOLing as much as you were LOLing in Role Models. Cruise receives a well deserved Golden Globe nomination for his performance in Tropic Thunder.

16. High School Musical 3: Senior Year
17. Hellboy II: The Golden Army
18. WALL-E

What can I say about the bottom three? They did exactly what they were supposed to. HSM3 had very catchy songs, a beautiful cast, and an engaging plot. I only watched the first 40 minutes in the movie theater, but later on in the year watched the second half of the movie - it was that good.

Hellboy II was the most creative action movie of the year. Without flashy actors or a flashy franchise to fall back on it was able to create an intriguing world of beautiful and creative mutants. The dialogue is not cheesy, and you never know where the story is going. An all-around well made movie.

WALL-E is in a close battle for best animated movie of 2008. I saw Kung Fu Panda during an unofficial theater visit, and feel WALL-E will eek out the Oscar. WALL-E is brave film making. They could have added silly dialogue, spiced up the first 30 minutes with some action, but instead of giving in they decided to make a good movie. It features the best animated graphics Hollywood has ever seen.

I would like to apologize to 2006. I called 2006 a year of shit, and really it wasn't. Hopefully everything will be forgiven. With 2009 comes optimism. Hopefully movies will not suck as hard as they did in 2008. See you all in a year.