Movie Hopping 2006: The Year of Shit (#12-22)

The movies of 2006 are comparable to the sickness of a an obese, pale, fool who is not only plagued with AIDS and leprosy, but with and gonorrhea and dandruff. This was a case of sheer blasphemy in its highest and most pure form. Here is the list:

12. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
13. Lucky number Slevin
14. MI:3
15. Happy Feet
16. Apocalypto
17. Inside man
18. Superman Returns
19. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
20. She’s the Man
21. Rocky 6
22. Snakes on a Plane

Many disappointments were found throughout the craptastic movies. First of all, the nudity and the running scenes in Apocalypto were to subtle. I have been waiting years for a good tribal porno; nothing beats some good old unwashed brown tits combined with naked men running through jungles for 3 hours. However, I could have used more of it.

Rocky 6 hit home with me. A drunk old man, stumbling on the streets talking about "this and that" and "the geography of the buses", and "you gotta do whats right..." really was touching. The scenes reminded me of when I escaped from a gulag in my youth; the weakness in my legs (due to malnutrition) caused me to stumble around like an autistic deer, and the massive amounts of vodka caused me to talk like Stallone.

But, worst of all was the Negro movie; Snakes on a Plane. After watching this movie, I thank Lenin for his efforts of banning all Negroes and Jews from the Motherland. A sickness of a pain forms in your heart and skull upon seeing the first 10 minutes of the movie. Unfortunately the movie is about 80 minutes long. After watching this garbage-wrath of humanity, I had to be restrained by police and security for a vision of Stalin came before me saying "Kill every black, yellow, brown and Jew-looking human you see".