2008: The Year of Regret

Man I'm so pissed I'm not even going to go into character for this one. If someone presented me a plate with warm shit on it, I would not be able to distinguish it with the movies I saw in 2008. Thats why this list is not a "Best of..." list. It is a "Worst of...." list. Also, side note: Eff you Century at Tanforan! You guys should win an award for shittiest movie theater. I mean shleepy and I had to spend half of our time thinking up of clever ruses to compromise the security system! The best part of the year? Only watching 18 movies, thank Abraham it wasn't 24 or 29!


Worst of Movie Hopping 2008:

1. Eagle Eye

Holey Fuck. I mean.... I could have video taped my self rubbing my balls and then smelling my hand, and it would have been a better, smarter movie. I mean, did some guy just wake up, call a producer, and say "Hey, I got a movie for you. Imagine this: A man made computer AI robot thing becomes too intelligent and starts creating havoc.... Just like in 2001: A Space Odyssey, except it is in 2008. How about it?"

"Put Shia LeBooooof in it and you have a winner!"

2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Good follow up to Disturbia and Transformers Shia LeBoooooof. I'm booing you because your movies suck so much. I liked the part where you were swinging from the vines in the middle of the jungle with small monkeys while Nazis were driving in jeeps below you shooting at you. That was a nice touch. Glad you put the aliens in at the end. I got a good history lesson in Scientology while watching this movie.

3. Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Yeah you can only play the 24yo slacker card for so long. I think Rogan needs to go into the tank and find a new role. His last few movies have been disappointing. Also, Kevin Smith... I realize you made a low budget movie 20 years ago that became popular. But damn.... every single movie by you sucks balls besides Clerks and Mallrats. In fact many of your movies are literally the worst movies I have ever seen. IDK if you make movies b/c you think you are good at it or you do it to keep that heroin addict who stars in all your movies employed.

4. Quantum of Solace

This was a decent action movie, but it wasn't a bond movie. No gadgets, no sex scenes, no nut'n. Just a French villain, with a gay sidekick who wants to limit the supply of water in Bolivia. OH NO! Not Bolivia! Huge disappointment after the awesome Casino Royale.

5. RockNRolla

I will admit, I only watched 22 minutes of this catastrophe, but the list is a bit skimpy so I will count this movie. I don't know if I was in the middle of an acid trip or what; this movie was the most confusing 22 minute piece of garbage I have ever seen. You had a bunch of British guys, Jeromy Piven, and Ludicrous sitting in a music studio talking about stupid things. The only redeeming part of this movie was the part where I cracked an unboiled egg on the edge of my seat's cup holder. The yolk proceeded to spill all over the edge of the seat and the floor. I then moved over to the edge of the isle and proceeded to crack my second egg on the fresh seat. Once again the egge spilled all over the seat. FU Tanforan.


6. Wanted
7. There Will Be Blood
8. The Bank Job
9. How to Lose Friends and Alienate People


These movies all sucked. The biggest disappointment, by far, was There Will Be Blood. Paul Thomas Anderson is one of my favorite directors, and I came into the movie expecting his wild dramatic style that is observed in classics like Hard Eight and Boogie Nights. Instead what I got was a boring, slow, controlled film, with an absurd ending. While the film was very well made, and probably will be considered very good, it did not live up to PTA's true style.

10. The Dark Knight
11. Get Smart
12. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
13. Role Models
14. Tropic Thunder
15. Iron Man

My quarrel with the Dark Night was that it was 40 minutes too long. I have no idea why the decided to take the Harvey Dent story, and pretty much, in the second half, make a whole new movie dedicated to his transformation into Two Face. It would have been great if the movie was about the Joker. But the Movie was about the Joker and Harvey Dent. The second half was rushed, and I was thinking to myself "why didn't they save this for the next movie?". This was a MAJOR flaw, and took what could have arguably been number 18 on this list, and pushed it up to number 10.

The biggest surprise of the year was Tropic Thunder. Stiller managed to make an average comedy, and make it above average. On a global level the movie was not that funny. But if you pay attention to the subtleties, you will be LOLing as much as you were LOLing in Role Models. Cruise receives a well deserved Golden Globe nomination for his performance in Tropic Thunder.

16. High School Musical 3: Senior Year
17. Hellboy II: The Golden Army
18. WALL-E

What can I say about the bottom three? They did exactly what they were supposed to. HSM3 had very catchy songs, a beautiful cast, and an engaging plot. I only watched the first 40 minutes in the movie theater, but later on in the year watched the second half of the movie - it was that good.

Hellboy II was the most creative action movie of the year. Without flashy actors or a flashy franchise to fall back on it was able to create an intriguing world of beautiful and creative mutants. The dialogue is not cheesy, and you never know where the story is going. An all-around well made movie.

WALL-E is in a close battle for best animated movie of 2008. I saw Kung Fu Panda during an unofficial theater visit, and feel WALL-E will eek out the Oscar. WALL-E is brave film making. They could have added silly dialogue, spiced up the first 30 minutes with some action, but instead of giving in they decided to make a good movie. It features the best animated graphics Hollywood has ever seen.

I would like to apologize to 2006. I called 2006 a year of shit, and really it wasn't. Hopefully everything will be forgiven. With 2009 comes optimism. Hopefully movies will not suck as hard as they did in 2008. See you all in a year.

Movie Hopping Recap: 2007

12 ProMax Bars, 22 tangerines, 4 hardboiled eggs and 31 movies; the recipe of sensual kinship. I could go into character and start jabbering the way Pons De Leon only can, but since the blog has been reduced to only 2 readers (myself included), I don't think I will.

1. Zodiac

Very amazing that the sensual greatness of this movie has not faded from my loins despite it being released one year ago. You become the detective in this movie, you feel like a cop; you can smell the coffee and taste the donuts. Very funny and very suspenseful at the same time. Downey is in top form here.

2. Michael Clayton

This movie was very advanced due to its genre, but that did not stop me from feeling sensual. Unlike many political thrillers, this one was believable. Gheorgie Clooné is a broken bum who manages to get what needs to be done done. Clever, smart, and sensual. Like a bird diving into the water to catch its prey, this movie captures its audience.

3. No Country for Old Men

Even though this movie loses steam towards the last 30 minutes, it was still very good. Mainly the initial 30 minutes were the greatest 30 minutes of movieism this year. With very little dialogue, we are forced to visually observe the sensuality. Despite its rough edges towards the latter parts, and homosexual-like ending, the movie is good. Greatest villain ever.

4. 3:10 to Yuma

Easily the best western we have seen this year. Crowe is a villain who really is a hero. And a sensual one at that. This movie packs a lot of action but does not sacrifice the plot with it.

5. Knocked Up

The reason I liked this movie more than Superbad is because it was much more elaborate (though slightly less sensual). Superbad was a cheap plotless movie that could get away with murder because it had ultimate freedom, while Knocked Up had much more going, and managed to pull it off equally as well. Plus, it had an element of drama and romance, that got you in your heart.

The Rest Of The Movies

The female in Sweeny Todd actually out shined the legendary French actor Johnny Depp. Furthermore I have never seen anything like this movie, and it's vivid insanity has a very residual effect. Superbad is self explanatory; very realistic, and very funny. One feels as if I am Legend was real: thats how great the special effects and acting was.

6. Sweeny Todd
7. Superbad
8. I Am Legend
9. Ocean's Thirteen
10. Ratatouille


11-20

The Simpsons Movie
Sicko
Disturbia
Hot Fuzz
The Bourne Ultimatum
Blades of Glory
Live Free or Die Hard
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Gone Baby Gone

21- 30

Shooter
Charlie Wilson's War
Mr. Brooks
Transformers
Breach
300
Fred Claus
Dewey Kox
Juno
Rescue Dawn

Worst Movie of the Year:

Bee Movie

Top Movies of 2006

Salutations! Stay tuned for the movie hopping list of 2007. Coming in January '08!

1. Little Miss Sunshine
2. Departed, The
3. United 93
4. Little Children
5. Blood Diamond
6. V for Vendetta
7. The Queen
8. Babel
9. Flags of Our Fathers
10. Fearless
11. Children of Men
12. Borat
13. Pan’s Labyrinth
14. Illusionist, The
15. Casino Royal
16. Pursuit of Happyness
17. Dream Girls
18. The Devil Wears Prada
19. Thank You For Smoking
20. The Breakup
21. The Good Sheppard
22. Prestige, The
23. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
24. Lucky number Slevin
25. MI:3
26. Happy Feet
27. Apocalypto
28. Inside Man
29. Jackass Number 2
30. Superman Returns
31. The Shaggy Dog
32. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
33. She’s the Man
34. The Pink Panther
35. Poseidon
36. Crank
37. Rocky 6
38. Down in the Valley
39. Snakes on a Plane
40. The Lost City

Movie Hopping 2006: The Year of Shit (#1-5)

Stay tuned next week for the top movies of 2006. The crew at PDL will compile a list of 40+ movies that took place in 2006, some of which were seen during movie hoppings, and some of which were seen at home on DVD.

Well, the top 5 movies in the movie hopping experience of 2006 were quite enjoyable:

1. Match Point

Quite Possibly the highlight of Woody Allen's career (yes I am aware of his rampage of brilliance in the 70's). He creates a topnotch thriller out of a cliche subject matter in this glorious celebration of romance. The movie is very mild, not overdone, and casted casted well. The final portion of the movie literally caused my jaw to hang for 20 minutes.

2. Departed, The

A gangster movie that takes place in the modern era. Scorsese is in his comfort zone; the east coast, guns, and villains. This cast is packed with talent, every lead actor, and every supporting actor is top notch; there is no question Mark Walburg steals the show despite his limited screen time. And the end is timeless signature Scorsesien mastership; never dull; they all kill each other Shakespeare-style.

3. Capote

Seymour Hoffman. Need I say more? This guy is great in any role he takes. This movie is very slow, boring, and colorless (in black and white), but Hoffman shines. The story deals with emotion, guilt, and humanity. These types of movies can be very shitty, very easily. This movie is quite good in telling its story, and keeps you interested throughout. The exploration of humanity is the focus of this movie, and it would not be crazy if in the end you forgive the two brutal murderers, and instead view their punishment as the true bad guy.



4. Blood Diamond

This movie takes us on a fast and action packed journey that is boring for like 2 seconds. The other 66391 seconds are sheer high-flying, anti-Bolshevik notes that only a composer of the highest rank could write. And the pleasant surprise is: this isn't a dumbed down action movie. The is great in all aspects; cinematography, acting, plot, etc.. A very effective movie, and one of the great surprises of 2006. Leo rules in this one.

5. V for Vendetta

Orwell's Animal Farm meets 1984, and an old friend Fahrenheit 451 . They go to a dinner together consisting of A Clockwork Orange, Kill Bill and any other sensible form of madness. What you get is V for Vendetta, the latest political commentary on capitalism, rules, and power. This is one of the most original concepts of the year (prolly second to Pan's Labyrinth), not because of the storyline, but because of the almost fantasy-like experience the viewer goes on. The choreography is great, the violence is great, and the British atmosphere is perfect. Upon watching this movie you cant help but say to yourself "Remember remember the fifth of November..."

Movie Hopping 2006: The Year of Shit (#6-11)

Greetings my friend. Here are the movies "in the middle". Stanislav actually offered to discuss the movies in this slot, but I actually didn't think these movies were as bad as he made them sound, so I decided to do it myself. These movies were fairly enjoyable (and not bad), but they also were nothing special. The James Bond movie was the best Bond in the last 3 decades, and greatly revitalized the series. The Pursuit of Happyness was a great story, and it really showed that Denzel Washington can be a good actor with the proper situation (an Halle Berry, as always, did not disappoint) . Finally the Good Sheppard was a good effort, but resulted in a mediocre movie; De Niro had very few flaws in his movie, but the subject matter was just too boring; I look forward to future movies by him.

6. Casino Royal
7. Illusionist, The
8. Pursuit of Happyness
9. Borat
10. The Good Sheppard
11. Prestige, The

Movie Hopping 2006: The Year of Shit (#12-22)

The movies of 2006 are comparable to the sickness of a an obese, pale, fool who is not only plagued with AIDS and leprosy, but with and gonorrhea and dandruff. This was a case of sheer blasphemy in its highest and most pure form. Here is the list:

12. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
13. Lucky number Slevin
14. MI:3
15. Happy Feet
16. Apocalypto
17. Inside man
18. Superman Returns
19. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
20. She’s the Man
21. Rocky 6
22. Snakes on a Plane

Many disappointments were found throughout the craptastic movies. First of all, the nudity and the running scenes in Apocalypto were to subtle. I have been waiting years for a good tribal porno; nothing beats some good old unwashed brown tits combined with naked men running through jungles for 3 hours. However, I could have used more of it.

Rocky 6 hit home with me. A drunk old man, stumbling on the streets talking about "this and that" and "the geography of the buses", and "you gotta do whats right..." really was touching. The scenes reminded me of when I escaped from a gulag in my youth; the weakness in my legs (due to malnutrition) caused me to stumble around like an autistic deer, and the massive amounts of vodka caused me to talk like Stallone.

But, worst of all was the Negro movie; Snakes on a Plane. After watching this movie, I thank Lenin for his efforts of banning all Negroes and Jews from the Motherland. A sickness of a pain forms in your heart and skull upon seeing the first 10 minutes of the movie. Unfortunately the movie is about 80 minutes long. After watching this garbage-wrath of humanity, I had to be restrained by police and security for a vision of Stalin came before me saying "Kill every black, yellow, brown and Jew-looking human you see".

One Night in Bangladesh

If anyone is familiar with geography, surely they should know that Bangladesh (bordering eastern India) is one of the most densely populated countries in the world (roughly 6,700 people per square mile). This country is a bit wild. A current news story illustrates it best;

A young man who attended Dhaka International University was not satisfied with the schools decision of allowing students to enroll strictly by paying tuition (no academic prerequisites required). So, he chained himself to the Light of the East statue located in the campus’s main courtyard. However, several things about this protest were unorthodox. For starters, the angered student (Abul Rouf) was completely nude while chained. Secondly, 4 additional peers, (3 men and 1 woman) joined him in the nude protest (plus several non-nude people chained themselves too). Lastly, the university did not want to “give in” to the protest, so they ignored the situation until the female began suffering from heat exhaustion. The mother of the female student filed a complaint to the police, and finally after 9 days of being chained, the police arrested the kids.

The best part is, the kid's uncle Begum Rouf, was suspended without pay for 4 weeks. Why do you ask? Because he works at Dhaka International University. He works in the Industrial Sciences section. In fact he was the one that was supplying the heavy-duty chains to the kids.