Jeauque Louis D'Inse Toulouse Pons de Leon's Jamboree

2008: The Year of Regret

2009-01-08T17:42:00.000-08:00

Man I'm so pissed I'm not even going to go into character for this one. If someone presented me a plate with warm shit on it, I would not be able to distinguish it with the movies I saw in 2008. Thats why this list is not a "Best of..." list. It is a "Worst of...." list. Also, side note: Eff you Century at Tanforan! You guys should win an award for shittiest movie theater. I mean shleepy and I had to spend half of our time thinking up of clever ruses to compromise the security system! The best part of the year? Only watching 18 movies, thank Abraham it wasn't 24 or 29!

Worst of Movie Hopping 2008:

1. Eagle Eye

Holey Fuck. I mean.... I could have video taped my self rubbing my balls and then smelling my hand, and it would have been a better, smarter movie. I mean, did some guy just wake up, call a producer, and say "Hey, I got a movie for you. Imagine this: A man made computer AI robot thing becomes too intelligent and starts creating havoc.... Just like in 2001: A Space Odyssey, except it is in 2008. How about it?"

"Put Shia LeBooooof in it and you have a winner!"

2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Good follow up to Disturbia and Transformers Shia LeBoooooof. I'm booing you because your movies suck so much. I liked the part where you were swinging from the vines in the middle of the jungle with small monkeys while Nazis were driving in jeeps below you shooting at you. That was a nice touch. Glad you put the aliens in at the end. I got a good history lesson in Scientology while watching this movie.

3. Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Yeah you can only play the 24yo slacker card for so long. I think Rogan needs to go into the tank and find a new role. His last few movies have been disappointing. Also, Kevin Smith... I realize you made a low budget movie 20 years ago that became popular. But damn.... every single movie by you sucks balls besides Clerks and Mallrats. In fact many of your movies are literally the worst movies I have ever seen. IDK if you make movies b/c you think you are good at it or you do it to keep that heroin addict who stars in all your movies employed.

4. Quantum of Solace

This was a decent action movie, but it wasn't a bond movie. No gadgets, no sex scenes, no nut'n. Just a French villain, with a gay sidekick who wants to limit the supply of water in Bolivia. OH NO! Not Bolivia! Huge disappointment after the awesome Casino Royale.

5. RockNRolla

I will admit, I only watched 22 minutes of this catastrophe, but the list is a bit skimpy so I will count this movie. I don't know if I was in the middle of an acid trip or what; this movie was the most confusing 22 minute piece of garbage I have ever seen. You had a bunch of British guys, Jeromy Piven, and Ludicrous sitting in a music studio talking about stupid things. The only redeeming part of this movie was the part where I cracked an unboiled egg on the edge of my seat's cup holder. The yolk proceeded to spill all over the edge of the seat and the floor. I then moved over to the edge of the isle and proceeded to crack my second egg on the fresh seat. Once again the egge spilled all over the seat. FU Tanforan.

6. Wanted
7. There Will Be Blood
8. The Bank Job
9. How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

These movies all sucked. The biggest disappointment, by far, was There Will Be Blood. Paul Thomas Anderson is one of my favorite directors, and I came into the movie expecting his wild dramatic style that is observed in classics like Hard Eight and Boogie Nights. Instead what I got was a boring, slow, controlled film, with an absurd ending. While the film was very well made, and probably will be considered very good, it did not live up to PTA's true style.

10. The Dark Knight
11. Get Smart
12. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
13. Role Models
14. Tropic Thunder
15. Iron Man

My quarrel with the Dark Night was that it was 40 minutes too long. I have no idea why the decided to take the Harvey Dent story, and pretty much, in the second half, make a whole new movie dedicated to his transformation into Two Face. It would have been great if the movie was about the Joker. But the Movie was about the Joker and Harvey Dent. The second half was rushed, and I was thinking to myself "why didn't they save this for the next movie?". This was a MAJOR flaw, and took what could have arguably been number 18 on this list, and pushed it up to number 10.

The biggest surprise of the year was Tropic Thunder. Stiller managed to make an average comedy, and make it above average. On a global level the movie was not that funny. But if you pay attention to the subtleties, you will be LOLing as much as you were LOLing in Role Models. Cruise receives a well deserved Golden Globe nomination for his performance in Tropic Thunder.

16. High School Musical 3: Senior Year
17. Hellboy II: The Golden Army
18. WALL-E

What can I say about the bottom three? They did exactly what they were supposed to. HSM3 had very catchy songs, a beautiful cast, and an engaging plot. I only watched the first 40 minutes in the movie theater, but later on in the year watched the second half of the movie - it was that good.

Hellboy II was the most creative action movie of the year. Without flashy actors or a flashy franchise to fall back on it was able to create an intriguing world of beautiful and creative mutants. The dialogue is not cheesy, and you never know where the story is going. An all-around well made movie.

WALL-E is in a close battle for best animated movie of 2008. I saw Kung Fu Panda during an unofficial theater visit, and feel WALL-E will eek out the Oscar. WALL-E is brave film making. They could have added silly dialogue, spiced up the first 30 minutes with some action, but instead of giving in they decided to make a good movie. It features the best animated graphics Hollywood has ever seen.

I would like to apologize to 2006. I called 2006 a year of shit, and really it wasn't. Hopefully everything will be forgiven. With 2009 comes optimism. Hopefully movies will not suck as hard as they did in 2008. See you all in a year.

Movie Hopping Recap: 2007

2008-01-21T15:47:00.000-08:00

12 ProMax Bars, 22 tangerines, 4 hardboiled eggs and 31 movies; the recipe of sensual kinship. I could go into character and start jabbering the way Pons De Leon only can, but since the blog has been reduced to only 2 readers (myself included), I don't think I will.

1. Zodiac

Very amazing that the sensual greatness of this movie has not faded from my loins despite it being released one year ago. You become the detective in this movie, you feel like a cop; you can smell the coffee and taste the donuts. Very funny and very suspenseful at the same time. Downey is in top form here.

2. Michael Clayton

This movie was very advanced due to its genre, but that did not stop me from feeling sensual. Unlike many political thrillers, this one was believable. Gheorgie Clooné is a broken bum who manages to get what needs to be done done. Clever, smart, and sensual. Like a bird diving into the water to catch its prey, this movie captures its audience.

3. No Country for Old Men

Even though this movie loses steam towards the last 30 minutes, it was still very good. Mainly the initial 30 minutes were the greatest 30 minutes of movieism this year. With very little dialogue, we are forced to visually observe the sensuality. Despite its rough edges towards the latter parts, and homosexual-like ending, the movie is good. Greatest villain ever.

4. 3:10 to Yuma

Easily the best western we have seen this year. Crowe is a villain who really is a hero. And a sensual one at that. This movie packs a lot of action but does not sacrifice the plot with it.

5. Knocked Up

The reason I liked this movie more than Superbad is because it was much more elaborate (though slightly less sensual). Superbad was a cheap plotless movie that could get away with murder because it had ultimate freedom, while Knocked Up had much more going, and managed to pull it off equally as well. Plus, it had an element of drama and romance, that got you in your heart.

The Rest Of The Movies

The female in Sweeny Todd actually out shined the legendary French actor Johnny Depp. Furthermore I have never seen anything like this movie, and it's vivid insanity has a very residual effect. Superbad is self explanatory; very realistic, and very funny. One feels as if I am Legend was real: thats how great the special effects and acting was.

6. Sweeny Todd
7. Superbad
8. I Am Legend
9. Ocean's Thirteen
10. Ratatouille

11-20

The Simpsons Movie
Sicko
Disturbia
Hot Fuzz
The Bourne Ultimatum
Blades of Glory
Live Free or Die Hard
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Gone Baby Gone

21- 30

Shooter
Charlie Wilson's War
Mr. Brooks
Transformers
Breach
300
Fred Claus
Dewey Kox
Juno
Rescue Dawn

Worst Movie of the Year:

Bee Movie

Top Movies of 2006

2007-02-14T17:43:00.000-08:00

Salutations! Stay tuned for the movie hopping list of 2007. Coming in January '08!

1. Little Miss Sunshine
2. Departed, The
3. United 93
4. Little Children
5. Blood Diamond
6. V for Vendetta
7. The Queen
8. Babel
9. Flags of Our Fathers
10. Fearless
11. Children of Men
12. Borat
13. Pan’s Labyrinth
14. Illusionist, The
15. Casino Royal
16. Pursuit of Happyness
17. Dream Girls
18. The Devil Wears Prada
19. Thank You For Smoking
20. The Breakup
21. The Good Sheppard
22. Prestige, The
23. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
24. Lucky number Slevin
25. MI:3
26. Happy Feet
27. Apocalypto
28. Inside Man
29. Jackass Number 2
30. Superman Returns
31. The Shaggy Dog
32. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
33. She’s the Man
34. The Pink Panther
35. Poseidon
36. Crank
37. Rocky 6
38. Down in the Valley
39. Snakes on a Plane
40. The Lost City

Movie Hopping 2006: The Year of Shit (#1-5)

2007-01-27T19:11:00.000-08:00

Stay tuned next week for the top movies of 2006. The crew at PDL will compile a list of 40+ movies that took place in 2006, some of which were seen during movie hoppings, and some of which were seen at home on DVD.

Well, the top 5 movies in the movie hopping experience of 2006 were quite enjoyable:

1. Match Point

Quite Possibly the highlight of Woody Allen's career (yes I am aware of his rampage of brilliance in the 70's). He creates a topnotch thriller out of a cliche subject matter in this glorious celebration of romance. The movie is very mild, not overdone, and casted casted well. The final portion of the movie literally caused my jaw to hang for 20 minutes.

2. Departed, The

A gangster movie that takes place in the modern era. Scorsese is in his comfort zone; the east coast, guns, and villains. This cast is packed with talent, every lead actor, and every supporting actor is top notch; there is no question Mark Walburg steals the show despite his limited screen time. And the end is timeless signature Scorsesien mastership; never dull; they all kill each other Shakespeare-style.

3. Capote

Seymour Hoffman. Need I say more? This guy is great in any role he takes. This movie is very slow, boring, and colorless (in black and white), but Hoffman shines. The story deals with emotion, guilt, and humanity. These types of movies can be very shitty, very easily. This movie is quite good in telling its story, and keeps you interested throughout. The exploration of humanity is the focus of this movie, and it would not be crazy if in the end you forgive the two brutal murderers, and instead view their punishment as the true bad guy.

4. Blood Diamond

This movie takes us on a fast and action packed journey that is boring for like 2 seconds. The other 66391 seconds are sheer high-flying, anti-Bolshevik notes that only a composer of the highest rank could write. And the pleasant surprise is: this isn't a dumbed down action movie. The is great in all aspects; cinematography, acting, plot, etc.. A very effective movie, and one of the great surprises of 2006. Leo rules in this one.

5. V for Vendetta

Orwell's Animal Farm meets 1984, and an old friend Fahrenheit 451 . They go to a dinner together consisting of A Clockwork Orange, Kill Bill and any other sensible form of madness. What you get is V for Vendetta, the latest political commentary on capitalism, rules, and power. This is one of the most original concepts of the year (prolly second to Pan's Labyrinth), not because of the storyline, but because of the almost fantasy-like experience the viewer goes on. The choreography is great, the violence is great, and the British atmosphere is perfect. Upon watching this movie you cant help but say to yourself "Remember remember the fifth of November..."

Movie Hopping 2006: The Year of Shit (#6-11)

2007-01-02T17:41:00.000-08:00

Greetings my friend. Here are the movies "in the middle". Stanislav actually offered to discuss the movies in this slot, but I actually didn't think these movies were as bad as he made them sound, so I decided to do it myself. These movies were fairly enjoyable (and not bad), but they also were nothing special. The James Bond movie was the best Bond in the last 3 decades, and greatly revitalized the series. The Pursuit of Happyness was a great story, and it really showed that Denzel Washington can be a good actor with the proper situation (an Halle Berry, as always, did not disappoint) . Finally the Good Sheppard was a good effort, but resulted in a mediocre movie; De Niro had very few flaws in his movie, but the subject matter was just too boring; I look forward to future movies by him.

6. Casino Royal
7. Illusionist, The
8. Pursuit of Happyness
9. Borat
10. The Good Sheppard
11. Prestige, The

Movie Hopping 2006: The Year of Shit (#12-22)

2007-01-02T16:59:00.000-08:00

The movies of 2006 are comparable to the sickness of a an obese, pale, fool who is not only plagued with AIDS and leprosy, but with and gonorrhea and dandruff. This was a case of sheer blasphemy in its highest and most pure form. Here is the list:

12. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
13. Lucky number Slevin
14. MI:3
15. Happy Feet
16. Apocalypto
17. Inside man
18. Superman Returns
19. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
20. She’s the Man
21. Rocky 6
22. Snakes on a Plane

Many disappointments were found throughout the craptastic movies. First of all, the nudity and the running scenes in Apocalypto were to subtle. I have been waiting years for a good tribal porno; nothing beats some good old unwashed brown tits combined with naked men running through jungles for 3 hours. However, I could have used more of it.

Rocky 6 hit home with me. A drunk old man, stumbling on the streets talking about "this and that" and "the geography of the buses", and "you gotta do whats right..." really was touching. The scenes reminded me of when I escaped from a gulag in my youth; the weakness in my legs (due to malnutrition) caused me to stumble around like an autistic deer, and the massive amounts of vodka caused me to talk like Stallone.

But, worst of all was the Negro movie; Snakes on a Plane. After watching this movie, I thank Lenin for his efforts of banning all Negroes and Jews from the Motherland. A sickness of a pain forms in your heart and skull upon seeing the first 10 minutes of the movie. Unfortunately the movie is about 80 minutes long. After watching this garbage-wrath of humanity, I had to be restrained by police and security for a vision of Stalin came before me saying "Kill every black, yellow, brown and Jew-looking human you see".

One Night in Bangladesh

2006-03-31T14:42:00.000-08:00

If anyone is familiar with geography, surely they should know that Bangladesh (bordering eastern India) is one of the most densely populated countries in the world (roughly 6,700 people per square mile). This country is a bit wild. A current news story illustrates it best;

A young man who attended Dhaka International University was not satisfied with the schools decision of allowing students to enroll strictly by paying tuition (no academic prerequisites required). So, he chained himself to the Light of the East statue located in the campus’s main courtyard. However, several things about this protest were unorthodox. For starters, the angered student (Abul Rouf) was completely nude while chained. Secondly, 4 additional peers, (3 men and 1 woman) joined him in the nude protest (plus several non-nude people chained themselves too). Lastly, the university did not want to “give in” to the protest, so they ignored the situation until the female began suffering from heat exhaustion. The mother of the female student filed a complaint to the police, and finally after 9 days of being chained, the police arrested the kids.

The best part is, the kid's uncle Begum Rouf, was suspended without pay for 4 weeks. Why do you ask? Because he works at Dhaka International University. He works in the Industrial Sciences section. In fact he was the one that was supplying the heavy-duty chains to the kids.

And the Winner...

2006-03-28T16:53:00.000-08:00

I bet you people thaught it was the other one, yes? No my friends, the friendly looking chap is not creepy, infact he is a nice man who owns a big fastfood chain. The guitar player is creepy though, both in the picture and in real life.

Molester, not Molester

2006-03-25T00:45:00.000-08:00

If you are a child between the ages of 5 and 12, we suggest you hide. The "in" thing now a days is to do it with a young kid. In fact, there are shows that are exclusively about molesters such as the O'Reilly Factor. But, as the great Benjamin Franklin once said "the loss of freedom is not worth the consequences of war". Hence we are here to protect you with a little game called Molester, not Molester. Simply choose which one of these guys you would rather hitch a ride with. One offers a quick ride and nice music, while the other will make sure you are sodomized thoroughly.

Chuck Norris

2006-03-22T18:43:00.000-08:00

What is all the fuss? He's just a man...
A man who stands up for the average Joe, a man with dignity. A man who has no hate towrds blacks despite his southern heritage. He is a man, that this country feeds off of.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

When Chuck does a push up, he isn't pushing himself up, but pushing the earth down.

Chuck Norris sued NBC because he claimed that Law and Order are the copyrighted names of his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Chuck Norris once ate 4 , 72 ounce steaks in an hour....... He spent the first 45 minutes doing the waitress.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Chuck norris went to donate blood, he asked for a gun and a bucket

McNeil and Meadow

2006-03-09T19:48:00.000-08:00

Yeah that’s right gang, the Sopranos are back! This Sunday, the mystical journey’s end will begin. So in anticipation, I sent Jamie-Lynn Sigler (Meadow Soprano) a bunch of pictures of my room which is filled with pictures and posters of her. (Actually I rotate my room’s theme, so sometimes its Jamie, sometimes, Natalie, sometimes Hillary, etc..)

Anyway after 8 months of mailing her, HBO decided to let me onto the set for half a day. I got some plastic bags that say “Sopranos” on them, and a hat that says HBO on it. The great part was after the shooting the get a few members to give out autographs. So I got the guy who plays Johnny Sak to sign my shirt, pants, hat, and shoes. Im gunna keep the signed hat, but the rest is going to P.D. Leon, (he plans to sell it on Ebay).

Note: I wanted to get some Sopranos mouse pads for my MX 3100 but then I saw that the surface was made out of granulated ABS which resembled a low-glare Formica pad. I don’t feel like sacrificing performance just for a Sopranos pad, so I didn’t buy it.

Stanislav the Critic: Gay Songs (That Are Irresistable)

2006-03-03T18:00:00.000-08:00

Most songs these days are just gay, and have little value. However scattered among the great pile of gayness, you will find little gems, nuggets if you will. Chasms in the great void with catchy gay tunes. When I came over to America a decade ago, I was introduced to the great technology of the radio, and apparatus that was not existant in the Soviet motherland. And so the gay tunes grew on me;

Numanuma (Ozone) Imagine a Polish version of the Backstreet Boys. Now imagine the pop sound substituted by Euro Trance. Mayahee! Mayahoo! Mayaho! Maya Ha Ha !!

Hung Up (Time Goes By) (Madonna) Madonna's recent hit is fairly different when comparing it to her earlier work. She goes for catchy toons with tihs one, and succedes. The ideal way to enjoy the song is to find the footage of hippies frolicing in the nature while this song playes.

Oops I Did It Again (Britny Spears) This is a great love song, that takes place on the planet Mars. A top 40 hit for several weeks for good reason, great rythmic, and instrumental elements. But don't listen to this while in compony of your peers, they will kick your ass.

The Four Ss

2006-02-24T17:54:00.000-08:00

“Quite simple really”. The pressure mounted, the captain, began perspiring. And so I gave him the list. He was pleased, and so was I. Alas, behold the great power of the 4 Ss;

1. Sopranos

Take any show. I mean ANY. Do you ever feel any emotion as a result of it? Not laughter, interest, or suspense. I mean the kind of emotion that makes you think about life. I’m talking about the power of guilt, tragedy, hatred and love, (all of which is captured by the Sopranos). Until you have watched the Sopranos do not come to me discussing good “action” shows. “Dude, you see Lost? There was an animal on the island that killed someone!” Or, “Jack Bauer just shot four guys with machineguns using only his handgun!” That is all shit. Watch the Sopranos seasons 1-5, and then we can talk.

2. The Simpsons

I have watched about 90% of the episodes. The great show spans many years. Just take a moment and think of a Simpsons moment….. Plenty of them yes? So many characters. So many stories. But, one stands out the most. It is a legend among legends. The animation is awful, and the voiceovers are crappy. But when it comes to the heart and soul of the Simpsons, nothing beats “Hommer’s Odyssey”. Another one that warms your soul up is the newish “HOMR” (with backwards R). Too many good moments.

3. Seinfeld

I grew up on this, watching it in my youthful days. A bunch of Jews sitting around in either a café or an apartment, making fuss about nothing. The greatest character is Jerry; a clever bastard, who is irresistible.

4. Saturday Night Live

Isn’t it like 30 years old or something like that? Forget about the last 5 years. Forget about 1980-1989, that’s still like 16 years! I will never forget a great episode where Belushi is trying to sneak in about 100lbs of heroin through an airport. His face dripping with sweat as white powder seeps out of his cloths and bags makes this the funniest skit I have ever witnessed. Will Ferrell era is highly entertaining as well. Finally, high profile movie stars hosting, and many great bands performing, make it a great jamboree.

The four Ss.

2006-02-22T17:00:00.000-08:00

We’ve done it all; music, movies, etc… Now its time for shows. TV shows. What would Leon, the Pons of all Jeaques watch if he could only have 4 shows? Here’s the situation;

We just got off the PDL jamboree cruise ship, groping, and spanking all the waitresses, and have arrived on a great island, full of nude women and cocktails. Wi-fi, plasmas, air conditioning, you name it. Alas, we stumble across one slight issue. The captain says, “You can only get off the ships if you tell me the 4 greatest TV shows that you have ever seen and why”.

I say “Do news and/or sports shows count?”

“No, only the ones that are like shows with episodes. Once you tell me why you like them, ill give you the DVDs for them and you can watch them on them on the island”

So I tell him. “S…” And I shall tell you too. Just not today.

CAN: Chiken Soup fo Da Niggaz Soul

2006-02-15T20:57:00.000-08:00

Young Playa: Three young niggaz wiff nuth’n to do
I gott a idea, says the nigga who’s a jew

Hot Muffin: What is dat, my brutha? Plees explain.

Jew Ass Nigga: We smoke dis crack, take this coke, and then smoke that weed,
drink some party juice, den smoke the pcp

Hot Muffin: And then go shoot ouw guns.

Sound: inhaling, coughing, more inhaling, and more coughing.

Young Playa: Oooh, nigga dis is great,
dis nigga he got roots like no otha.
Jew Ass Nigga: Ya, nigga, I strait up Israeli.
Da niggaz crossed over from Zimbabwe and
Young Playa: pow: Nigga Ass Jew was bown.
Jew Ass Nigga: Yeah, foo.

Young Playa: I go to tha stow, and I steal my food.
Go to the doctow and I bang the nurse.
Go to the secretary and steal the bitchez purse.

Jew Ass Nigga: Hoes, pimps, niggaz, and gangstas.
Hot Muffin: I can’t feel my hands foo, it like you cut they off

Jew Ass Nigga: Bitches, niggaz, and Gs.
Young Playa: Yeah, yeah, I think I color blind now

Jew Ass Nigga: Homies, jews, and gangstas.
Young Playa: Yeah yeah nigga,
this is chicken soup fo da fool who ain’t got no bowl.
Aint no nigga smoke crack, outa no crack nigga
Jew Ass Nigga: Yea foo, you is make sense.

Sound: Serious coughing

Jew Ass Nigga: Im about to have a seizure nigga,
the crack too dirty

Sound: something falling to the ground

Young Playa: Dam nigga dropp to da ground,
wif foam in his mouf
Hot Muffin: now my head feel dizzy and my eyes real blurry,
He sweat’n like a nigga from da Sahara,

Hot Muffin: Nah nigga, Gobi dessert.
Young Playa: Dam foo, young plya feel no good either.

Sound: something falls to ground

Hot Muffin: This crack is chiken soul for da soup,
I smoke it and now I can’t poop,
Constipation for three day but it good
cuz like da shit… from da… hoo..

Sound: something falls to ground

Polatics with Donald K. Spectator

2006-02-13T21:08:00.000-08:00

And just like that, the CAN trio switched from Bush and Cheney haters to Bush haters / Cheney Lovers.

Hot Muffin: "That nigga blast a hole in tha foo’s face. Like my hommies from ‘hood. He aright."

Indeed, Cheney is all right. But the 79 year old Harry Whittington is not. In fact the old man is laying in a hospital with several pellets in his abdomen and head. Now this to some may seem as an opportunity to launch an anti gun, or anti hunting campaign. In fact some feel the VP should be impeached. I however, offer an alternate solution to the issue. I propose to my fellow men and women, a new outlook on the wildlife, specifically the wildlife inhabited by our fellow Native Americans. It is time for the Reds to start paying taxes like the rest of the Americans. As a professor of economics, the Sioux and Cheyenne, residing in Montana and Canada could provide a fiscal stimulation that would boost the US economy.

For this to happen, people must speak. We must press hard, so that the campaign could gain recognition. Be aware, for the sake of the motherland.

The Jamboree ons the chart.

2006-02-12T01:37:00.000-08:00

unknown: dud, the green Day cover will blow the other songns away.
sleepy boy: when are you gunna put it up
unknown: in the eavenin
sleepy boy: looking forward to it. Anyway i gotta go, my cat pissed on the sofa, gotta clean it.

Even the Stanislav can't complain. The PDL Jamboree has swept the net (unlike this blog). Infact to compare the two, the Jamboree Band page got about as many hits yesterday as this blog did in the month of January.

D.K Spectator calls it "..a refreshing twist to an overrated song..". Even the critic himself calims "The song may have some of the greatest guitar work west of the Berlin Wall. Not a bolshevik amidst the tundra could make the instrument sing like that...".

Young Playa says "Aint no nigga gunna listen to that shit foo".

Ralphy McNeil: "I's suggest you upgrade to Soundclick's Premium service for $9.99. It allows you to upload songs with bit rates exceding 128kb/s. "

The gardner is climbing aswell, up to # 14, in the tribal. Also all the traffic has rejuvinated Relax w/ PDL. went from like 380 to 131 in the trance.

Jamboree Songs

2006-02-10T18:33:00.000-08:00

Smash hits. Blvd. is currently #24 on the alternative cover chart. Jim's Gardner is #40 on the Tribal chart. Both are smashing my career high of #69 that was reached by The Great Trance.

Blvd. Broken Dreams is a cover. Medly if you will. I used analog equipmant such as a guitar, mic, and amp!

Gardner. I use about 70 different devices on this song, and due to the amount of PC resources it took up, I couln't complete it as efficinatly.
Hear the Jamboree!

Your prolly thinking, no google videos in a while. Indeed you are. And so i shall treat you:

Start the olympics!

I forgot what this video is!

Take me to the Ghetto!

Staff Forum # 1

2006-02-08T21:09:00.000-08:00

Jam’nPDL: thanks for joining the forum guys.
Y2kRalph: always a pleasure boss.
JewAzzNIgg: jus make this shit quick, I got hoes to pimp.
Y2kRalph: Don’t like the interface on the applet though. Java based is not strong when it comes to online chat room security. I suggest we change that.
Stanislav: shut the fuck up.
JewAzzNIgg: niggaz jus tryn to do what he good at.
Y2kRalph: it’s fine. I got carried away. Java is not that bad.
Jam’nPDL: Aright guys, Im guessing the rest of the staff isn’t coming. Let’s kick the forum off with a debate. Anyone have an idea?
JewAzzNIgg: why the white foo tries to strip the nigga of his land.
Jam’nPDL: you mean the Indians?
Stanislav: how about why the typical Negro is so damn lazy?
Y2kRalph: yeah a debate about the Spanish stripping the Natives of their land would be nice.
JewAzzNIgg: aint no niggaz lazy you bitch ass communist. They just put that on the news so you think it.
Dr. Spectator entered the room.
Jam’nPDL: rebuttal Stan?
Y2kRalph: welcome to the forum Donald.
Stanislav: how would I understand words that come out of a negro’s mouth?
Dr. Spectator left the room.
Jam’nPDL: aright it seems the arguing is pointless. Did he just leave?
Y2kRalph: the professor has left the building.
Y2kRalph: rotfl lmao,
JewAzzNIgg: told you not to hire that nigga. He too high class for us blue coller niggaz.
Stanislav: screw this forum, I got a cold bottle of vodka waiting.
Stanislav left the room.
JewAzzNIgg: racist ass foo.
Y2kRalph: loool
Jam’nPDL: agreed. JAN you gotta bring the rest of the crew next time.
JewAzzNIgg: young playa knocked a bitch up by accident so they tryin to get that shit strait
Y2kRalph: wait. wha??
JewAzzNIgg: but they’ll bouf come next time
Jam’nPDL: aright, thanks for making the forum happen guys. Ill be lookin forward to it next time.
JewAzzNIgg: piece
Jam’nPDL left the room.
Y2kRalph: id says it went well. On the storcase site, I actually once set up an online chat, but we never used it for forums.
JewAzzNIgg left the room.
Y2kRalph: it was java though… so felt like a n00b chatting in it

A Super Bowl Deal

2006-02-05T14:30:00.000-08:00

Super bowl Sunday, a day when sports fans of all races and religions come together. My close friends Gringols, and Leenoser are middle class blue collar workers, men who keep Blackfoot’s plumbing system among the best in the country. So as a gesture, I decide to buy them tickets to the big game being held in Detroit. As an entrepreneur, a man of my stature has no problems obtaining high-demand items such as the Lower Lounge Box Seats overshadowing the 50 yard line. 3 tickets it was to be. Gringols, Leenoser and I would be enjoying an afternoon of festivities for a mere $785 a piece. To further reward them, I rented a chartered “super bowl party jet” which would fly us over to Detroit from Blackfoot. The whole 9 yards; leather seats, cocktails, appetizers, and escorts.

And this was all scheduled for this weekend, until my friend Ralphy offered me a proposition. Turns out, last week, while Ralphy was being treated at the hospital for a rash, he found a mentally ill patient who was willing to buy two tickets for $3,000 a piece.

As a scalping business man, I could not pass this venture up. In fact I would profit from my planned trip to the Super Bowl. The total expenses for three people were $5,300, so I would actually end up:
My personal expense: $5,300 – $2,700 = $2,500
Income from the sale: $3,000 + $3,000 + ($1,900 chartered flight included) = $7,900
Total Profit: $7,900 - $2,500 = $5,400

So I went through with it. Sold them. As I write this from my Luxury Seat, in anticipation for the game, I assure to you; Gringols and Leenoser, that I will make this up somehow. Maybe we’ll take some of the money that I made from this and spend some of it on a dinner or something.

Stanislav the Critic: Hippies on the Road

2006-02-01T22:39:00.000-08:00

Every now and then I see one on the road; Dodge Neon, Ford Probe, Toyota Tercel, maybe even a generic car, with no name. They all have 4 things in common:
1. The neglected car is an ‘83-’94 model.
2. There is a white woman in her early 30’s driving it.
3. She is driving roughly 65 MPH in the middle lane of the freeway (usually pissing average commuters off)
4. The car has a shit-load of Environmental, and Anti-war stickers.
Now what is this you ask?
This is delusional liberal (or is it Green Party?) trying to seize your concentration related to the road, and focus it toward her car. She is saying “I am a lesbian. I am free, and I shall be heard!” I’m driving through Blackfoot, where the chances of me being shot on the freeway are 1 in 378, and the dyke is preaching about otters and seals. I’m trying to switch lanes, while Nader’s daughter is telling me I can’t eat cheese.
In the end who wins? Honestly… no one. Only losers come out of this. In fact every time a fellow man stops to think about the environment, he loses. He takes a step back, while the oil drillers in Kazakhstan are progressing in forward leaps.

Top 50ish Songs of Leon #1-10

2006-01-29T17:06:00.000-08:00

What can I say, it was A Day In the LIfe Of, up untill just now. I thaught to myself, "I have aneurysms when I listen to Bullet With...". So, "Bullet With..." is the greatest song, however A Day In The Life Of is still #1 on the list. I don't know how.

Owns all songs in the history of songs: Bullet With Butterfly Wings (The Smashing Pumpkins)

1. A Day In The Life Of (The Beatles)
2. L.A. Woman (The Doors)
3. Stairway to Heaven (Led Zeppelin)
4. A Quick One While He’s Away (The Who)
5. Time (Pink Floyd)
6. Intro - Smells Like Teen Spirit from ...Muddy Banks of the Wishkah (Nirvana)*
7. Fly Away (Lenny Kravitz)
8. Still Alive (Pearl Jam)
9. Echoes (Pink Floyd)
10. Walk All Over You (AC/DC)

Wild Card: Warewolves of London (Warren Zevon)

* I know its a total of 5 songs, but its just so cool. Is the greatest 5 song span of a concert known to man.

A minute with Ralphy McNeill

2006-01-26T23:45:00.000-08:00

Sorry folks my Nikon CoolPix 8800 Digital Camera is in the repair shop due to "over usage". Hence ther is no picture of me in the upper right corner of this article. I will tell you why it was "over used".

A friend who I met on Yahoo! Chat told me about the SimuCon convention being held at the local exhebition center. Due to a fever he couldn't make it, so he asked me to go and take pictures of all the new gadgets and consoles. I agreed. In return he would send me the drivers to a program called Metascope Plus v1.3. Due to the method of upgrade, from version 1.27 to 1.28, the original drivers were deleted. Shortly after the v1.28 release, the company (EZ Logix) was baught by Krazy Dad. Krazy Dad seized support for version 1.27 focusing on the v 1.28 and soon to be 1.3.

To make a short story long, I upgraded to v1.3b. Version b is supported by Liniux. However it can also be used on Win XP, but the version 1.27 .dll files must be present, along with the 1.3b divers. Due to the upgrade however, the v1.27 .dlls were deleted, and due to Krazy Dad's lack of support, they are extremely difficult to find.

Any way, the camera overheated due to high ambient temperature. This may have been due to the fact that I had been using the TCON-17 (+ adapter) for the last few days, and had wrapped the camera in a plastic bag upon entry into the convention (no cameras inside the building). The alarm sensor was flashing, bud amidst the choas in the Nintendo DS Lite section, I payed little attention to anything not concerning the new console.

Relax with PDL

2006-01-23T17:55:00.000-08:00

Let me set this up for you. You are sitting on a chair with a cupholder on each side. Your feet are playing with the soft sand beneith you. But wait! You are not on a beach. Alas, you find youreslf on luxery cruis ship, with an artificial beach on it. The waitress brings you a cocktail as she turns around, you say "wait". You put you hand on her ass and squeeze it. She thanks you and fetches another cocktail. This, my friends, is called Relax with PDL.

No boarding passes necessary: Take me to the ship!!!

Top 50ish Songs of Leon 21-30

2006-01-22T02:04:00.000-08:00

Smokes the list in half: Longview (Green Day)

21. Burden In My Hand (Soundgarden)
22. Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen)
23. For Whom the Bell Tolls (Metallica)
24. Blue Monday (New Order)
25. Hey Jude (Beatles)
26. Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay (Otis Redding)
27. Killing In The Name Of (Rage Against the Machine)
28. Café Del Mar (Energy ‘52)
29. Good Vibrations (Beach Boys)
30. Pepper (Butthole Surfers)

Wild Card: Undone (Sweater Song) (Weezer)

Top 50ish Songs of Leon 31-40

2006-01-18T19:13:00.000-08:00

This current instalment is screwy. Although a good performance of Cannon owns the list hands down. I think I might add a new homo to the staff. You know the kind, looks gay, but knows alot about music, movies, style and entertainment. I will name him Fritz.

Owns the List: Cannon (Johann Christoph Pachelbel)

31. Empty Spaces - Young Lust (Pink Floyd)
32. Hotel California (The Eagles)
33. Saucerful Of Secrets (Pink FLoyd)
34. Ghost Busters Theme (Ray Parker Jr.)
35. Master of Puppets (Metallica)
36. Live and Let Die (Paul McCartney)
37. Personal Jesus (Depeche Mode)
38. Rock the Casbah (The Clash)
39. Whole Lotta Love (Led Zeppelin)
40. I Shot the Shariff (Eric Clapton)

Wild Card: Hungry Like the Wolf (Duran Duran)

Top 50ish Songs of Leon 41-50

2006-01-16T17:53:00.000-08:00

It is impossible to make an accurate list. There are many songs that I listen too but don’t like, and there are many songs that I like but don’t listen to. Furthermore my taste changes over time. This list doesn’t accurately depict my favorite bands, I will have to make another list for that. However my top 20 songs on the list are fairly stable, not much fluctuation there.

The Master of the List: Wall pt. 1-2 (Pink Floyd)

41. For Those About to Rock (AC/DC)
42. Detroit Rock City (Kiss)
43. Free Bird (Lynard Skynard)
44. Lithium (Nirvana)
45. Save the Rave (Mars and Mystre)
46. Purple Haze (Jimmi Hendrix)
47. Message (Grandmaster Flash)
48. Dazed and Confused (Led Zeppelin)
49. Give it Away Now (The Red Hot Chili Peppers)
50. Road House Blues (The Doors)

Wild Card: Shine on You Crazy Diamon 1-11 (Pink Floyd)

Politics with Donald K. Spectator

2006-01-13T15:13:00.000-08:00

Due to the lack of content on this site, I have been hired. My duty is to inform the readers about current issues in politics. I will tell you this site is quite diverse. Today I have managed to argue with all the staff members:

Stanislav and I disagree about communism. He feels that Russia's most successful years were at the peak of Stalin's regime. I however feel those days were not so great.

The CAN (Cray-Z Ass Niggaz) and I disagree about many aspects of law. For instance Nigga Ass Jew feels "Niggaz need free money and guns if you wanna get them off the streets...". I suggested that guns in low-income areas are not solution, to which Young Playa said "Ain't no nigga gunna piss on the niggaz wiffout no gun foo...".

Ralphy McNeill seemed too creepy to discuss politics with.

One staffer I did agree with. When analyzing the French culture Pons De Leon and I did agree on one key aspect: The French are pussies.

CAN: Annihilation

2006-01-10T14:51:00.000-08:00

Hot Muffin: Yo, Yo, niggaz listen up. This is a message from the President of the niggaz:

Nigga Ass Jew: USP nigga, XM320 foo. SAR-21 nigga, MP5 foo. Benelli M4 Super 90 nigga, Glock foo. L96 nigga, I said AK5 niggaa!!

Hot Muffin: Now listen up all you bitches, we is fight a war right now.
Get yo ammo nigga cuz if I see you Im gunna blast you in the skull.

Young Playa: Thas right niggaz. Its rain’n bullets.
I see no color when I shoot; niggaz crackaz, spics and chicks, they all drop like flys when I pull the trigga.

Hot Muffin: Asians too.

Nigga Ass Jew: And that aint all nigga. You is a bitch.
I bust into you crib and I shot yo cat. Gangsta.
I go to the zoo and I piss on the poo. Bitch ass nigga.
Bust into a cage and shoot all the tigers. Poison the fish too. Homie.
Take out my rifle and whack all the zebras. Total annihilation nigga.

Young Playa: we came from the getto wiff one mission nigga

Hot Muffin: to become the first niggaz to rule the country

All three: Rule by inhalation nigga.

Young Playa: we have no mercy. We travel by carriage.
We wear no cloths, only armor.
Our message is “hide or you will get shot,” for one simple reason:

All three: we is the niggaz of Annihilation.

Poor Google Videos

2006-01-08T13:50:00.000-08:00

Have no material so I post this. Skip it, I urge you. Watching this will make you sad, maybe depressed. However the dancing in the nature video will take you out of your missery and bring you happiness.

Stupid kids playing at school. Jump on Him!

They are still playing at school. Fall off ledge!

Yes now we are happy no more stupid kids. Dance in nature with chiks!

Theater List 2005: #1-21

2006-01-06T14:56:00.000-08:00

This is the order. The bases of grading consist of one question: "which would I like to add to my collection of DVDs the most?" My collection is fair (roughly 71 DVDs and 100+ VHS) so I am looking for passion and glory as I conduct the list.

Don't laugh. I only saw 23 movies in the Theater this year. My tollerance is growing however, and I hope to achieve my goal of 31 movies next year.

1. The Constant Gardener

Man, that was easy. Now ordering the rest may be tougher. Constant Gardener. Shit. Feel the power. even if you don't understand the movie (like Vonzell and I) you will still be impressed by this 2005 masterpiece. This is what you call a Best Picture. Politics, thrills and gangstas. All in one.

2. Cinderella Man

Underrated. Forgotten almost. However time will prove you all wrong. You will see that the rest will wither away and this boring boxing flick will stand for ages.

3. The Wedding Crashers

Effing brilliant. I came in expecting something along the lines of Meet the Fockers or I Spy, but came across something wild and funny. Farell. Need I say more? A sick human who takes "crashing" to the limits.

4. Munich

Was expecting something along the lines of all drama and a little action. Instead I got all action and a lot of passionate drama. The 160 minutes fly by. Seems fairly real too, unlike many "based on true.." movies.

5. Batman Begins

No I'm not throwing in a crappy movie to add variety. This movie hits it on the spot. I hated the original Batman, and was like "nah, for our 3rd movie we should watch...". Greatful I am to the people who said "no we can watch that 4th, for our nightcap movie after Batman Begins". Tasteful action.

6. Seriyana
7. Crash
8. Kingdom of Heaven
9. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
10. Walk the Line
11. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
12. The Producers
13. The Interpreter
14. King Kong
15. Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
16. The Weather Man

Now 2-16 were actually easy. This pile of trash I'm about to sort out is a vary dirty job that only a sick man would do.

17. A History of Violence
18. The 40 Year-old Virgin
19. The Lords of Dogtown
20. Two for the Money
21. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Stanislav took care of #22-23
Note: Two for the Money should be higher.

Stanislav the Critic: #22-23

2006-01-04T15:07:00.000-08:00

22. Mr. and Mrs. Smith
23.Four Brothers

A quagmire filled with sheer blasphemy! Watching these two movies make you feel like your in a gulag herding goats amidst the winter tundra. It wasn't a tundra I was witnessing while watching Four Brothers, it was a dirty turd. Andre 3000, the dude from Planet of the Apes, another black guy, and a gay kid with herpes. The four ideots prance around Detroit seraching for something. What are they searching for? I would'nt know, for the plot did not go into detail.

In the 22. spot we have a nuisance. A pointless action movie like I have never witnessed. The breasts of A. Jolie were not exposed as fully as I expected. I thaught they were nice in the dinner scene- Pons de Leon. French imbecile! I will also add that Brad Pitt's cheek bones were not as exquisite as I had anticipated. Finally, a brilliant scene where the two are in a sporting-goods store spinning around next to a tent while shooting machine guns at 20 to 30 armored CIA agents. It just makes you think, "what the fuck?"

A minute with Ralphy McNeill

2006-01-03T01:42:00.000-08:00

The annual StorCase dinner was on. I put on my StorCase uniform and was ready for the quest. As I approached my table, I ejaculated when I saw the three foxes I was to dine with. So I went to the bathroom and cleaned my pants.

Dinner is served. And thus I exchanged greetings with my table-members. "Diana Heer" she told me.

Diana Heer? I thaught to my self: Is she named after the wychalarn Dynaheir from Bauldur's Gate? The Rasheman who has been sent by the high Othlor in hopes of retreaving the prophecy from the Sword Coast?

Could this creature with whom I have been destined to dine with be fellow Bauldur fan? If I ask it could mean two things:
1.She says "Yes", and I inch closer to loesing my verginity.
2. She says "I beg your pordon?", and I reply "What will you be eating tonight?"

Lets just say it didnt go as well as the highschool party I attended. Gryffindor just lost 40 points. I forgot a key factor; Dynaheir is a Mage from the Cloakwood Mines and is highly incompatible with any Bard from the Eldoth regime.

Plus the neglected semen on my wrist alerted her.

The pressure.

2005-12-28T16:15:00.001-08:00

I decide to squeeze out the littlest bit. Just to take the edge off of the pain. In a room full of collegues this is a risky task. When something is that eager to escape, opening the door is ill-advised. Yet I must procede. I very carefully release my grip on the beast.

Ooh. A bit too loud. Due to the pressure, my control was not accurate.

I'm writing with my right hand and typing with my left as if nothing happened. My furrowed brow only hints at the wealth of activity taking place in my mind. The peers in the library will never suspect me.

But wait a minute. The vibration was powerful, yet the sound was discreet. The girls to my left and right could never suspect me. I've been spared by the muffling technology of the chair. The soft leather has craddled my ass in a way like no other.

With caution I may procede.

I let it all go, and I mean I am going for the gold with this one. A broadening smile forms across my face as the backs of my legs are vibrated into numbness. I can feel my ass cheeks slapping together with great force, almost painfully, yet the chair absorbs all. The suddenly empty feeling of my stomach is surprisingly satisfying.

Silence. I smile at the girls and they smile back. I return my hands, which had been braced against the desk throughout the glorious fart, to the arm rests of this marvelous chair. I triumphantly lean back, pleased with what I've gotten away with.

That's when it hits me. The chair is not special at all. Great horror. I have been listening to Darude's Sandstorm via my headphones at an extreamly high volume. No fart was muffled. The smiles I had witnessed were not of kindness or atraction, but of sorrrow and pitty. I look around and all eyes are on me. People smiling, embaressed from witnessing my anus's speech.

I am not the man who flees and leaves the aroma for others to deal with. I must continue with my work and suffering. The situation is tense. One more? Could I possibly do it?

Yes. The hair on my neck stiffens. I embrace the arms of the two neighboring girls. My eyes are shut and wattering. The impact will leave the 2nd level of this library in sheer chaos. One, two, and squeeeeez. Freedome! Ahhh, relief, sound and smell complimenting each other like art. Sweet glory. I have reached the end, and have seen the light.

Im free!

Gess hooz bak

2005-12-27T17:32:00.000-08:00

Na na na, back up in this mutha.
Snuk into the neighbors house to use the net.
Brodband.

Alright, I tried rapping but its notmycup of tea. Im not Hot Muffin or Nigga Ass Jew. But I will tell you some great news. my friend, the Jamboree will soon have its own private website. I hired a team of ametures to conjure up a site and they did! True, it suck, but who cares. A learning experience for the amatures. HTML protocal and stuff. PMs, and BDSM, servers. Wormholes and what not.

PLEASE READ

2005-12-26T01:54:00.000-08:00

NOTICE: THe Staff IS ENJOYING A WINTER SLUMBER AMONNG THE FESTIVE MOUNTAINS. THE journy will resume after the new year's birth. We travel into a new year. Thank you for the wait.
update: A top movies of the year seen in movie theater list will be up on Jan.3 untill then we will be skying on Balckfoot Mtn.

A Holliday Treat From Google

2005-12-24T17:29:00.000-08:00

On the 12th day of Christmas my good Pons gave to me:
8 funny blog posts
7 funny pictures
6 funny stories
5 google videos
etc..

A kid named Jonathan dancing. Jonathan Kevzschik. Went to school with me many years ago. Seemed normal back then, but then he moved to San Fransisco. Lets Party!

A great classic among gamer fans. A true console fan will cream in his pants after witnessing this great fable. Now we shall fight!

I was speaking of the great Madonna song. Now you shall hear it. Apperantly Johnny got a hair cut. I must say, it suits him well. Party! (But gayer this time)

Craziness. Sheer nuts. Snowy Trick!

I wish this man was my father. He would teache me many great skills. Finger Skill!

Pains Me to Do This

2005-12-22T15:02:00.000-08:00

Yes, posting this, means that the top 10 movie list is now off the main page and into the December archive. Sad really. Here is a link: See the movies!, See the even greater Movies! I recommend you study the list daily. Sweet glory.

On a gayer note. You ever listen to a song like "Oops I did it again" or any other Pop song and say "Man, Im a calssy fellow, I really should not be enjoying this gay song this much"? As is the case with the Stweart Price remix of Modanna's "Hung Up". Fairly gay. But I support gays, so I guess its all good.

Just joking about the last part. Wink.

Actully the gay's that arn't flamboyent are cool. So if Ponsy can't tell that your gay, then your in the clear. However if you seem a little too outgoing, your charisma is a bit too high, maybe you watch soap operas, or like dancing, then I will approach you with caution.

A minute with Ralphy McNeill

2005-12-20T23:10:00.000-08:00

Thats right pushing 34, but the chiks just keep on rolling in. These were some Highschoolers too. 50 points Gryffindor! My neighbor Mark told me about the exclusive party, said "alot of drunk highschool chiks". I came in through the back door, and they only noticed me after I turned the T.V on in the parents' bedroom. It was a special night where they were airing the 90 minute season 3 pilot for Babylon 5. It's the only footage where Zathras appears in the second War of Narn and Centauri. Also was the first show where G'Kar didnt need his Nexus Batton while guarding the Marcus Cole shipping docks. (Although I saw his Batton holster was still on his belt!).

The party went well, I was discovered a few minutes into the show, and actually fooled the girls into thinking I was testing the televsion for reception. (After all, I was still dressed in my StorCase uniform which resembles a TV-repair suit). Was a great evening really, saw the girls' cleavage (30 more points to Gryffindor!) a few times during the commercials. I still gotta thank Mark for telling me about the party.

First Degree by Cray-Z Ass Niggaz

2005-12-18T23:49:00.000-08:00

Young Playa: Tic-toc Tic-toc, Tic-toc Tic-toc,

Sound: Gun shot

Nigga Ass Jew: Bang! Nigga, you dead.

Young Playa: Let’s rewind this fuck’n story, back to the day when I smoked my first blunt.
I was 6 years old and already a gangsta.
I had sweet hoe who’s mom was a cunt.
Whenever we’d bang, she’d say “Kids you too young,”
So I took out my gat and her brains went splat.
It was first degree so I pleaded the Fith,
Leaned back in my seat and smoked my chronic, said to the judge “nigga suck my dick”

Nigga Ass Jew: 12 years those niggaz gave him, but he don’t care. Niggaz young but he grow’n pubic hair. Chek it.

Hot Muffin: that’s right niggaz, cell block D. Memphis penitentiary was his new crib.
I say “what up nigga”, and he say “yo”
I was do’n time for the 1rd degree, killed a gay nigga for watch’n me pee.

Nigga Ass Jew: so they both is niggaz in cell block D, two niggaz do’n time for the 1st degree.
So I poped a nigga’s mom cuz he call me "John".
I said “son, that’s Nigga to you, now yo mommas gone”

Hot Muffin: you see he’s a Nigga Ass Jew with big ass gun.
After he shoots he just don't run,
Kills people jus cuz he thinks its funny.
N-A-J reach in yo poket and take all yo money.

Nigga Ass Jew: So true, so true.
So they gave me 9 years and I lit my menorah. Said “niggaz don’t hate” and I spun my dradle.
Pissed on the judge and said “now you is wet,”
So they exntended the sentance and said,
"12 years is what Nigga Ass Jew will get"

Young Playa: that’s right nigga ass foo. Three ol’ nigg ass Gs sit’n in the Memphis pen.
We do as wee pleez cuz we is like royalty.
Niggas bow down and give us head.
One decade later we all broke free and hid from the Fed.
Robed a few banks and they all went dead.
Now I’m young playa and thas my story,
Don't let me fuck and I'll make it real gory.

Stanislav the Critic

2005-12-18T22:18:00.000-08:00

A real treat. From the blog "A Look Into Susan's Life":

"...as of yesterday, me and miguel are actually me and miguel and it is AMAZING! it all feels so right.im happy that hes happy. im a bit nervous about meeting him. i want approval from all the important people in his life. so far everyone in mine likes him just fine. i see so many good things w/ him. i really see myself growing as a person w/ him..."

Nothing pisses off a Bolshevik more than this kind of banter. Pointless discussion of a woman's life. Read it through once again my comrades. Does this catch your attention and leave you begging fro more? Well a litte, the romance is a bit intreguing - Pons de Leon. STFU! Bastard Jeauque Louis, always the romantic. The worst part of it was the title: So Shiny and New :). A metaphor followed by a smiley face.

This poem of shit is Taken from the blog "Blood Stained, Horror Tainted, and Musicaly Drenched Me"

Deranged

I Lovethe pills the doctors give me don't talk shut up just refill me cuz I'm feelin kind of low 2day the pills'll make it go away.
Life sux liberty is restricted and who knows wut love is
I wonder why each little bird has a someone
I wonder why each little bird has a someone
What about the pills
Tweet, Tweet.
Tweet, Tweet.

Great Holly blasphemy! The suicidal Goth may be less talented than those derelicts who call themselves Cray-Z Ass Niggaz! Hey, those Cray-Z Niggaz are pretty cool! - Pons de Leon. You French socialist pussy, STFU during my posts. Someone put the readers out of their misery and give the Goth her pills..., tweet, tweet. Tweet, tweet.

Leon, Leon! Tell Me a Story From Your Youth!

2005-12-17T19:31:00.000-08:00

1272 Johnson Drive,
Blackfoot IN, USA
92955

It looks good don't it? On the face of it, yes. But in reality, it's like a Mexican sausage; firm, yet dry. And thus the Leon seeks the ocean. Every July, the Pons travels west to California for a week of ocean-filled festivities. So off to Half Moon Bay we go. It’s the Pons, Gringols, Camby, and Leenoser, all enjoying a festive journey.

The beach was filled with water and sand. There were birds on the land and surfers on the water. As we prance toward the blue moisture, Gringols yells "look at that shit!" And indeed there it was, a dead seal. Camby picked up a rock and threw it at the corpse. The throw didn’t penetrate the skin, but made an interesting sound. Leenoser then picked up a broken bottle and threw it at the seal. The bottle did pierce the skin, but no blood came out.

And so it was; Jeauque Louis, Gringols, Camby, and Leenoser all having a great festive time in Half Moon Bay, throwing anything and everything at the large seal. After we were done, we covered him with seaweed and started drinking the beers we had just purchased.

This is a Great Post.

2005-12-16T14:24:00.000-08:00

Man that top 25 movie list was effing sweet. The quality of the movies is so high. That poker video also shows some tips on how to play well. Anyway, when I dont have anything to talk about, I usually post 3 google videos. However this time, Im not gunna do it. Instead of saying "here watch a set of some sweet-ass videos," im gunna say "here watch 4 videos instead of 3".

Just trying to give back to the community.

You ever watch Mexican television? The programs suck ass. Why? Because they dont mix suspence with comedy as well as the Japanese.
Terrify the little women!

This is is also related to television. However this shows why the Italian News, is considered one of the worst in the world. (French and Colombian being the worst)
Get the News!

A blooper from the show Barny. Kind of funny. I'd recommend the season 3 DVD.
I wanna Rap!

I save the best for last. This is a homemade "Jackass" video. If you dont laugh at this, then you truley are an ideot.
Pour the mans drink on me!

Edit: Upon remembering that I posted the Japanese TV show, I must note that I didn't save the best for last. The best was first, the last one actually kind of sucks after I rewatched it. Sorry for that last shitty video.

6 max. SNG video #1

2005-12-14T22:14:00.000-08:00

As you all know, the Pons is a masterful poker player. The two videos are un-edited and show him playing a 6max SNG. Eventually I would like to have audio commentary so that people can understand why I check-raise with 53s, but fold a KQo etc.

Here we pick up the action when im short stacked. I have a low M and my table image is total rock. The table is fairly passive, yet also tight.
Win the Pot!

We resume a few hands later in the tourny. I have built my stack up, and will now start playing fairly agressive. My theory behind the agression is: Focus on big pots regardless of my hand. (Vary dangerous and results in many busts). My agression is at its peak as I play HU.
Win the Pot!

Top 25 Movies: #1-5

2005-12-12T23:19:00.000-08:00

The list is complete. And it will stand here like a statue for several days. Months even. You will slowly learn what the 10 greatest movies are, and you will learn why. A great journy it was, but alas the ocean was only so deep, and the bow's of the ship only so stern.

1. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)139 min. "My God, it's full of stars..." Simply masterful. Nothing comes close to this. Movies 2 through 25 are all located in our solar system while 2001: A Space Odyssey is in the Andromeda galaxy. Star Wars was made 9 years after 2001, yet the special effects of 2001 are much higher in quality. The journey begins with the great eclipse. We travel in time through glorious ages, monkeys and what-not, until we reach the outskirts of life. Amidst the journey Man encounters Machine. The greatest machine of all. The human-like HAL9000. The two powers fight, and the Man prevails. Oh glory! Sweet joyous glory. Greatness of gay glory. And the man resumes his quest. Traveling into and beyond the elements of comprehension. Alas the epic journey ends, only to reveal a new creation: a Star Child.

The future is hear my friends. Watch this great tale... now. It leaves you speechless and passionate for love every time.

2. The Godfather (1972)175 min. Al Pacino got an Oscar for Scent of a Woman but not for The Godfather. A travesty is what it is. You see him blast a hole in the police Captain's head? Exactly. Packed with so much action, yet it doesn’t seem like an "action" movie at all. A passionate love story, littered with great moments such as Michael living in Italy, and the Hospital scene. I may have seen this movie more than Apocalypse Now. That’s how good it is. The final 10 seconds of the movie just make you think: "Holy Moses. Now that was something special". And the Consiglieri shuts the door.

3. A Clockwork Orange (1971)136 min. Lead it off with the Red background, soaked of blood probably from the old britva. Vintage Kubrick, pulling the camra back, back, back. There they are: Georgie, Pete, Dim, and Alex. Sitting in the Korova Milk Bar, getting ready for some ultra-violence. Getting ready for some of the old in-out-in-out. Baffling. A sick journy into the future through the life of a friendly young brother. The sheer madness will cause your gulliver to spin. And in the end, after all the rape, killing and comedy, you realize; they fixed him alright!

4. Chinatown (1974)131 min. "Hey man.. uh.. you ever see L.A. Confidential?" Oh, my young apprentice, I have seen the father and mother of L.A. Confidential. You generally dislike child molesters, but then once in a while a child-rapist makes a great movie and all is forgiven. And so it is. A subtle ode to the great Noirs (like Double Indemnity) of the 40's-50's. A suspense mystery set in So. Cal. Jack Nicholson and his injured nose seek justice in the corrupt land, and in the process he reveales some vary dark secrets.

5. It's a Wonderful Life (1946)130 min. It is my duty to watch this annually. In December, as a human being, it is your duty to watch this movie. You will learn great things. You will learn why James Stewart is cool. You will learn how angels get their wings. And most importantly you will say: "Shit man, this IS a wonderful life". And indeed it is my friends. Sit back, drink some spiced wine, and cry like a babe for 130 minutes. "Oh... wa, wa, it is so beautiful..." You may think I’m joking, but I’m not.

Top 25 Movies #6-10

2005-12-11T22:39:00.000-08:00

6. Schindler's List (1993) 195 min. Watch Jews, I mean Jaws, Indiana Jones, and E.T. Exactley. Its like comparing weak-ass movies to a classic. One thing is for sure: The great Spielberg has the WWII films down to perfect. Seems even more realistic than Saving Private Ryan.

7. Apocalypse Now (1979) (Redux Version) 202 min. I take this over the original simply because it adds an extra 50 minutes. You look at Harrison Ford and your like "Shit, this is sweet". Its all fun and games, but the journy darkens. Deeper and deeper we travel into the jungles of Cambodia until we reach a psychotic zoo. What a finish.

I have seen this movie about 10-12 times. And am watching it right now.

8. Dolce Vita, La (1960)180 min. Sit down one day and teach yourself about Italian movies. I dont think it get's better than this. Paparazzo! Paparazzo! Frantic motorcycles rides, creepy parties, and a depressed jornalist. The dancing in the streets at night is a scene you will never forget. Sexually masterful.

9. Double Indemnity (1944)107 min. Billy Wilder. You digg? Orson Wells? Ha ha, thats funny. No but seriously. A Film Noir like no other. A dangerous woman with a sinister plan stumbles across an ordinary Joe. The suspense is sickening. Orson is funny though, ain't he?

10. Ben-Hur (1959) 212 min. Up to this point in my life I only thaught Charlton Heston was famous for Planet of the Apes. One of the greates Epic films of all time. Some of the greatest moments like the ship-sailing scene, and the famous chariot race.

Just Google It

2005-12-10T23:24:00.000-08:00

Man, its been effing months since I have watched a Classic. I dont mean re-watching a Classic, I mean sitting down and watching one for the first time. Let's see. Last time was probably three months ago when i watched the great noir: A Touche of Evil. Before that (about four months ago) it was proabably the great 8 1/2. And so i resume my journy, and complete a chapter. East of Eden it was, completing the great trilogy spanning only two years. Quite sad really.

Anyway here is something that is not sad. It is eather funny, sick, cool, or stupid.

LeBron James. The roof is on fire!
Shoot the Ball!

Vary cool snowboarding. Note the degree of difficulty.
Take me to the Mountain!

This could be the two dumbest fools I have encountered on google video. The only explenation I can come up with is lots of marijuana. I mean stoned out of your mind. The second "jackass thingy" is more jackassy. But the first one I tell you... priceless.
Water Rocket!

Trance!

2005-12-10T14:36:00.000-08:00

This may be the greatest trance song you will ever hear!

Get the Trance!

Note: The song is not fully done. Hence it is edited so that it just fades out.

How Many People Did Clinton Really Kill?

2005-12-08T01:03:00.000-08:00

I hear them making fun of Clinton about his ties with all these murders on shows like SNL or Jay Leno. I always figured that it was in the low range say 4-6 people. You know, a little cover-up here, a little one there, but not a big deal . Infact I figured because it was so low, that most politicians and political commentators didn't care. So today, I hear a Republican and a Democrat arguing over this issue at the poker table. So naturally when i get home from the casino I log onto the net and search.

Obviously liberal sites will deny every charge. So i search for bipartisan sites. However I come to realize that due to my lack of "reading the page", I have no way of telling if the site is bipartisan. Although wikipedia.com seems neutral. I assume my sources (excluding wikipedia) are of Republican orgin. So my conclusion is: The HBO series Sopranos may have been based on Clinton. The man wacks people for amusement. A typical day might consist of getting a blow job from a secratery and then ordering a hit on an Advisor or on an Attorny. Yes, they are streaching it on some of these cases, but you gatta figure that at least 30 of them are legit.

Site 1: Get the truth!

Site 2: Get the truth!
Note under the Dead Body Guard section, not all of them died in crashes. I think four were popped in the head.

Edit: Anonymous commentator suggested this: Get the truth!
Edit again: Alright. I swear, this is it. The Pons will criticise him no more. For the sake of my life I must drop the subject. Pordon me. Literally.

Life on the Streets by Cray-Z Ass Niggaz

2005-12-07T20:12:00.000-08:00

Sound: door bell ringing… door busted open with foot and body force

Unknown Man: What the fu…
Sound: Gun shot followed by several gunshots.

Rap begins:
Young Playa: Yeah, yeah, yeah Nigga!!
Hot Muffin: What?
Nigga Ass Jew: What?
Hot Muffin: What?
Nigga Ass Jew: What?
Young Playa: I’ll tell you what!
White Cracker lay’n on the flow, four bullets and he ain’t breath’n no mow
Na don’t you ax me why I play. In this pussy-ass ‘hood I always get away.
1,2 pow! Nigga I think you dead, shot like deer now I seek some head.
To the bedroom I stroll and find yo bitch, so I take off my pants and show her my dick.

Hot Muffin (in girl voice): Oh, Young Playa you’s a pimp. Oh, Young Playa my man is dead!
Young Playa: That’s right Bitch I shot him! (echoes: shot him, shot him…)

Nigga Ass Jew: Now we don’t play no hide ’n seek.. You see Young Playa act a pimp.
No bitch ain’t got no big-ass grin.
Some big-ass hoes with big-ass tits.
Holla at Hot Muffin if yo bitch ain’t loose.
That Nigga dives down and cuts yo slack.
I aint no fool cuz I ain’t got school.
Teacha a hoe, so I pissed on the flow.
Teacha get mad cuz the kids started slipp’n.
So you know what I said?

Hot Muffin: What you say Nigga Ass Jew?
Nigga Ass Jew: “Watch yo mouth Bitch, watch yo mouth Bitch. I pissed on yo flow cuz I broke the school toilet. Shoved a Niggaz head in and made him cry. Then I went to lunch and ate a pie.”

Womans Voice in background: That’s it! Go to the office Nigga Ass Jew.

Hot Muffin: Ooh, Ah. Ooh, Ahh. Its too damn hot. Its to damn hot.
Young Playa: Why it so hot Nigga? Why it so hot?

Nigga Ass Jew: You tell us Hot Muffin, you niggady, naggady, hot-ass muthfuck'n muffin.

Hot Muffin: Fi, Fy, Fo, Fum, I smell dough of pimp-ass muffin.
Yeah that’s right, Hot Muffin the name. Selling drugs to kids and bang’n you mom ‘s the game.
Now my balls are real saggy and my chest is real greasy,
But I tell you one thing: It makes the bang’n real easy.
Born in the ghetto where the whores were a plenty. Had a big feast on the pussy, so they called me Hot Muffin.
Yeah, yeah Nigga, that’s Life On the Streets.

Chorus Fade out (All three rappers): Life on the streets, life on the streets….

Top 25 Movies 11-15

2005-12-06T23:32:00.000-08:00

11.Duck Soup (1933)
12.Treasure Of The Sierra Madre (1948)
13.On the Waterfront (1954)
14.Bridge On the River Kwai (1957)
15.Pulp Fiction (1994)

Yet Another Set of Google Videos

2005-12-06T01:02:00.000-08:00

As long as I'm not loseing viewers, I will continue to post things like this. Takes minimum effort and still gets the job done. A half-ass fation, but the result is still potent. On an optamistic note J.L.D.T.P.D.L. (Jeauque Louis D'Inse Toulouse Pons de Leon), is thinking of putting up an mp3. Not sure of what, maybe Leon's Radio Jamboree, or something of that nature.

Some Russian kid jumping through buildings and roofs like a cat. Really gets good around the 2:10 minute mark. I can tell some scenes are cut together, but the task requires skill none the less.
Watch!

Some dude on beach gets hit with shovel. Non-violent and funny.
Watch!

Asian man scaring people.
Watch!

Top 25 Movies 16-20

2005-12-06T00:46:00.000-08:00

16. The Godfather Part II (1974)
17. Doctor Zhivago (1965)
18. Flying Deuces (1939)
19. Its' a Mad Mad Mad Mad World (1962)
20. Z (1969)

Note, this esction was edited due to an error in the protocol. The malfunction cause the movie Deliverance, to listed twice in the list.

Sorry for the Delay

2005-12-04T17:42:00.000-08:00

Seems, the servers are backed up. Protocal and shit. Different versions of Linux and such. Im useing HTML and they only understand SBC Yahoo! Anyway, i went to the great state of Arkansas this weekend. A satisfying trip i must admit. My applecation for an adoption is currently under review, and i just went down there to see what fine specimens i will be adding to the collection. Although the "kids" are a bit old, the fact that they need a father is not negated. Furthermore, they look old for their age. Both are 16. The names are Luew -Si, and Vonzell. None the less, if im lucky, the fine state of Arkansas will grant me both.

Google Video

2005-12-02T20:58:00.000-08:00

The google empire is expanding! Naturally i browse for interesting music videos, or funny Simpsons clips. And then once in a while I stumble across something. A nugget of gold or a vluable jem. I dug deep for these pieces. The first is an exercise video. I have trouble watching it however, its what i call.... not appealing to the eye. Second one is a man dancing on one of those arcade-dance things. Interesting to see he isnt Asian. The third is actually cool. Although the leg-spreading/swimming move at the 00:56 mark is a little gay.

Home exercise 101 Watch!
Dance-a-thon Watch!
Enter the Ping-Pong Watch!

Gambarimasho! (及びあった)

2005-12-02T00:59:00.000-08:00

猿の力の頭脳は剣より大きい。1 つは大きい稲を尊重し、健康のために食べなければならない。マスターの父は武士に秘密すべてを見る。武士に鋭い刃より鋭い心がある。陰茎は弱いが、中心は強い。信頼はあるけれども愛は不在である。通りの頼むことで見つけられた遺棄物は気高い人に近づき、言う: Any money for you please? Any money please? そして私をのこれ撃った映像でである大国信頼しなさい。そして犬もまた大国である。健康な犬。厚い皮および強い陰茎を持っている。"Rooof, Roooof, Roooof, Grrrr...". どんなにほとんどのテレビは愚かな性質である。、跳んでいる女性は踊っている人叫をからかう。教育かなわれない、けれども日本のすばらしい人はナンセンスを見た。不法にメキシコ及びテキサスのボーダーを交差させている多くの人々は米国の国境巡視隊によってつかまえられるが、つかまえられる多数はつかまえられるために見ている。意図されている35 人の中央アメリカ人のグループ- 及びあった- つかまえられる。それはつかまえられる、"4-4-7" 得ることの後でファイルされ、殆んど指紋をとられる"地下の経済" に歩かせなさいのである。これのように離れた歩くそれらは- メキシコ人以外…OTMs と呼ばれる。メキシコ人とは違って、それらは国に単にバスで運ばれることができない。

Top 25 Movies 21-25

2005-12-01T19:04:00.000-08:00

21. The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946)
22. Lawrance of Arabia (1962)
23. Deliverance (1972)
24. The Maltese Falcon (1941)
25. Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)

Genitalia Challenge

2005-11-29T15:00:00.000-08:00

You ever ask your self "how tough are my nuts?", "what can my colon take?". A simple challange of the mind and body can acurately assess these questions.

Ice Cube Test: Make sure the penis is regular temperature (96-100 degrees F) and is of regular condition. Place the ice cube on the tip of the penis. If done correctly, the cube will stick to the penis causeing loss of all errectile sensation. Can only be removed via warm water.

Ring Burn: Put a a cooking-pot eather on the stove or in oven. Let it heat for 20-30 minutes or until it reaches 280+ degrees F. Remove the pot and place on a stable chair. Remove cloths and sit on the pot for 10-20 seconds. If done coerrectly a ring of burnt skin will form on your ass preventing you from sitting normally for 5-7 days. As bonus let Terry Jenkins or Ronnie "The Rocket" Baxter throw darts at the bull's-eye on your ass.

Ball Roll: Pull penis back towrd stomache and tape it securely to lower abdomen. If done correctly testicles are fully exposed. On a slanted road (ideally a road of smooth surface) place 12 obsticles on road. The obstacles (or obtesticles if you will) should be roughly 4 feet in length so that the testicles will come in contact. As you roll down the hill with your skates (or skis if in a snowy region) spread your legs wide so that the testicles have a clear path and are able to hit the obsticles fully. By the 12th obsticle youw will be traveling fairly fast and the contact will be vary forceful.

Top 100 songs and Top 25 movies of Jeauque

2005-11-28T20:10:00.000-08:00

Many readers of this great blog have been sending e-mail requests of a "top 100 song list" and a "top 25 movie list". So i have decided to fulfill their needs. The lists are in the making. The song list will be released in intervals of 25 songs and the movie list will be released at intervals of 5 at a time. So stay tuned the next few days for movies #21-25. Meenwhile feel free to type: "french military victories" into google's search. And remember, press: "I'm feeling lucky".

Younglings in the Theater

2005-11-26T00:48:00.000-08:00

Now this is a great effing idea. Go see a three hour movies. But make sure to bring your two and a half year old child. The show starts at 9:30pm so surely the child will sit quietly and watch the R rated movie. Now most immigrants will think twice about this fallacy, but not these particular ones. Im trying to see Aniston's clevage during the sex scene and this bastard child is having conversations with its parents. Furthermore Sherlock and Watson are sitting in the vary front, while the infant prances around in front of the screen like a circus bear. This being a shitty neighborhood you would think someone would say "sit the eff down", or "control your child", but no. The sheep just sit there while the kid plays hide 'n go seek with the two dumbass parents.

Who the Hell is Jeauque Louis?

2005-11-24T20:19:00.000-08:00

A man of great ambition and many stories. A joker who enjoys fine dining and unemployment. A lad who skis in the winter and sunbathes in the summer. A friend who enjoys German sausages but boycotts all things French. A scholar who drinks while he drives, but stays alert throughout the trip. An intellectual who who gambles periodically, but never cheks the spelling of his writings. A Republican who votes anually and often plays golf with fellow neighbors. A man of many romantic stories.

My Second Post

2005-11-24T19:38:00.000-08:00

I want the public to know that you are free to give me feedback. Infact I want to hear your comments, criticisms and suggestions! Alas the man's great journy can only resume when the journy's path is clear. No path is unwalked, foot by foot, paw by paw, hence the man (Jeauque Louis D'Inse Toulouse Pons de Leon) and his offspring (readers of this) must calibrate amidst nature's chaos. Enjoy.

Finally Jeauque Louis D'Inse Toulouse Pons de Leon will be heard!

2005-11-24T19:34:00.000-08:00

Jack Lewis Dinse Towlous Pounce of the Lion.>